a courageous tree will grow
despite the lack of water
even if there is no other tree around
during the sunshine or the rain

The flower will bloom
without jepardizing the growth of another flower
despite the fact that her nectar will bring the bee
without ever feeling embarrassed

the lion is considered the king of the jungle
even though it does not live in a jungle
does not hunt for its own food
and is the weakest in the clan

so why can't we grow like the tree despite the conditions we're in
or bloom like the flower without being embarrassed
declare ourselves kings and queens of or territory despite who's watching
why?

So many things to do, but not enough time

Who said school was ever easy? Just when it appears to get easier something comes along and messes it all up. That is so wrong. Ever thought about writing a song about it? I would so buy that CD. REALLY? NOT!!! Truth is I'm tired and I didn't get enough, I'm broke and there's nothing at home to eat. I just got paid and there's always someone to give the money to give it to. This is so depressing. So now I'm just moping around making the best of things. Too much stress and too much work!! Ciao.

Innocent Love

I have just witnessed love so pure, so innocent that it had to be heaven sent. I have never been in the presence of two people where I am not sick of hearing about how they got together. In fact they don't make me feel sick because they aren't so mushy around each other. They are so in love that they make you, the bystander, feel and understand the love that they have for each other. In the end all you can pray at night to God is "I want love like that" you can't help it's in your mind. It becomes the very reason that we, single people, remain hopeful that Prince Charmnig, or Princess Charming is coming soon. We don't know who, but we know they are there. Understanding a love so pure, so innocent that when they touch each other for the first time, they don't even how to act, is ridiculous much less immature. It's crazy to think that there are people who do not date during their teen years just because they don't want to. I'm one of them. I don't believe that I am a diamond that should be passed around many men before I find my one true love. I do believe that my Prince Charming will come to me. I will not need to search far and wide, on mountain hills and deep valleys. I await the day he comes to me and says, "I love you." That is just so sweet. He will not only say it, but he will show it. In the most creative and romantic, he will escort to me on boat cruise as the sunset approaches. Or he'll take me to the mountaintops just to see the stars in the sky twinkle at night. Even better he'll read my mind and he'll complete me like I complete him. He'll teach me to love, just like I will teach him to love. He'll make of me a woman, like I make of him a man. We'll lay eyes on each other and know that we're meant to be forever, 'til death do us part. He'll look at me as he stares down on me,(he'll be taller than me and older), I'll look up to him and my arms gently brush the back of neck. His hands are in movement as they indecisively choose to settle on back or maybe my waist, the decision hasn't been made. We'll just know with the confirmation of the Holy Ghost that we were both heaven sent for one another. That's my fairytale waiting to come true.

I just finished watching the Bernie Mac show when all of a sudden...

I just finished watching the Bernie Mac show, you know the episode when he finds out that his uncle is in fact his father, and it got me thinking of parenthood. I grew up in a single parent home and it's all old news, that a daughter needs her father to protect, yes we heard it all... but I don't think that anybody knows the importance of that fact. It's the same way that a son needs his mother or else he becomes all hard and forgets to caress instead of attack. I believe that parenthood is one of the toughest, in fact the toughest out there. Because right now there is a man who has learned to love his children above life itself despite the flaws that being may have, and he may have lost 1, 2 or maybe all of children. Most parents want the best for their kids which is a result for the love that parent will have for their children, and children really do not understand their parents that is true, but when you watch the news and you see for yourself that there are people out there to catch girls you're age, and lower, a new sense of gratitude goes out to each parent that has stood by their children since day one. To all of those who left without an explaination shame on you. The parents of today are doing the best they can to ensure safety and happiness to their children despite their situation. I was watching the Oprah Winfrey show, and it was about child molestation and the sexual predators, most of which had already been caught before, and these guys go after innocent children. I started thinking 1) that could've been me in 1997, caught dead buried alive 3 meters away from my house, as I am holding on to my stuffed animal, the one my daddy won for me at the fair the year before, 2) I could've been Jennifer Teague, torn to pieces and messed up so bad that they have to send my body to Toronto to be recognized, 3) if the world is as messed up as it is now how will it be when my daughter turns 5 years of age, and it's time for her to start school? Should I let her ride the school bus by herself, what if the school bus driver is a sex offender? In the words of Oprah Winfrey, have we had enough yet? One last question before I finish, to all the parents who do not love (meaning you do not see them even though you know where they are and you have made no attempts to find them) their children, when they die will you care then?

My Definition of a Man

I grew up without a father so understanding what the portrait of a man is, is a bit more challenging than I had hoped it would be. But it's ok, because lately I had just undergone a metaphorsis, or an evolution, whatever you want to call it. I had been thinking and talking to a friend of mine asking for advice. I guess I should take you back to the beginning of this change. See, my mom finally tracked down my father and of course everything did not go as I had hoped. So after meeting up with aunt and uncle from my father's side and having a couple discussions with my father, I realized that I had the necessary closure that I needed to move on with my life. So I decided to end the relationship right, before it became a nightmare to big for me to handle. I needed that I was old enough to make my own decisions and start living my life the way God intended me to live it. I think that my mom still believes that I want to be a part of my father's life, or that he needs to be a part of my life hence she believes that I haven't forgiven my father since I don't want him in my life. But it is not the case. However, I have heard many people say that a girl needs a father figure in her life in order for her to obtain a successful marriage. After seeking counselling I realized that refusing my father's relationship, did not mean that I would do that to every other good men I met. During that process I also realized that looks and talents did not define a man, it just added to a man. Looks and talents are like sugar and spice to a cake. I use to define a man by his looks and talents, but now I understand the rules of the game a little bit more.
So here is my definition of a man:
Must be a hardworker; Meaning he can't be lazy, must be able to get a decent and keep one. I will not accept any broke guy, repetitively asking to borrow money, because personally I don't have that much money. If the job thing is not working out right now, then your grades better be the reason. The job must be legal, no matter what.
Must be intelligent; Meaning you can not be dumber than me. I appreciate someone who can teach me a thing or two no matter what the subject is. Also be able to carry an intellectual conversation, we can have fun but once in awhile prove to me that you are or have attended school.
I know I said that physical characteristics were like sugar and spice to a cake, but I must say that I am already 5'9 ft., so the height is a must for me. You must be 6 ft., at least and that's just so I can look the same height as you when I'm on heels. It is kind of selfish, but height on a guy is a beautiful. Height is my sugar on this cake.
Must be tough; Meaning assume your responsibilities as a man. Don't be a wuss, if a fight breaks out either you try to stop it or you're in the fight. I can't stand it when a guy either tries to run away or talks a lot and can't defend himself. Please fellas don't do that to me.
Must be caring; Meaning you must have a heart, do not be a wuss, but if you're holding a baby play with the baby. It's kind of weird but showing your sensitive side is a kind of a turn-on for me.
Must have a sense of humour; Meaning be funny. I grew up in a funny household, all my friends are funny. I have to laugh. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE ME LAUGH!
The add-ons to a guy, is what I don't find necessary but they are the icing to the cake.
Must be able to carry a note; In other words you must be able to sing to me and make me melt.
Must be able to play an instrument; The bagpipe is not an instrument in my vocabulary.
Must be good-looking; Be the reason of every girl's envy (jokin!)
So here it is, it most likely will be reviewed and changed over a series of time. Remember this is only my definition of a man.

This is one of these days...

This is one of these days, when the air is crisp and every inhaling you do is a bite into the fresh autumn chill of the future. When the birds have fallen and the stars have just woken up to light the moon's pathway. Just another one of those nights when your personal bubble becomes a suffocating nightmare, and you wish you could get away in a dream that would be all yours and no one else's. It would be your little secret, at the comfort of your heart. Not that you're unhappy with what you have, but just tonight you'd dream a little dream. In that dream you wouldn't be committed to any activity. It would be you and your fantasy. For exemple, my fantasy involves a man of my age. Maybe he would be just a little older. But his mind and my heart would be like peanut butter and jelly. Made to synchronize in a perfect sandwich that sends the mouth into a bittersweet taste every time our lips connect. As his hands caress every curve in my body, my hair would the forest in which his fingers would get lost into. Not to worry because by the time we pull away, honey substance-like words roll off the tip of his and every accent is emphasize to send a chill up my spine. His tone smoothe like velvet, and soft like lavender. He hypnotizes the moment and causes time to stand still. The dance has unfolded and the dance steps are burning me like Micheal Jackson in the Thriller video. There is nothing left to do but to speak, speak he does. I await his every word, and every words correspond to the mood portrayed so far. He whispers, waits, thinks, and speaks like a diamond sparkling in the light, I can watch him no longer. I close my eyes and see myself in a crystal blue fountain. Where the water serves as a mirror. I lay in a hammock on the water, and as the ripples brush my hair and body. I lifts me up and gently calls my name. He touches me with such sensitivity, like sculptor gently and vaguely loving me. Then I wake up and realize that this is only one of these days.

I want what I don't want

Understanding that throughout high school, most of my friends dated. They had relationships and with those relationships came emotional distractions. Unlike guys, girls do not tend to heal easy, unless their hormones all of sudden got back to normal. Unlike most girls my age, I did not date. I was not allowed and I did not defy the rules of my mother. I don't regret listening to her, it was one of the best things I could've ever done for myself. However I must admit most nights I did want to be those girls, learning the good, the bad and the ugly in a relationship. But I was the girl who was brutally honest, if the dude was a dog, I told them to kick them out life. I was brutally honest when it came to relationships. I did not understand them, I just saw a neutral angle on truth. However when one is emotional the truth has a new angle, and the view is a lot different. Anyways, most of these people end up dating from time. Everytime one knew why I didn't date, they actually encouraged to stay without a boyfriend. They told me that I was doing myself a favour. I now truly believe them. Back then I didn't and couldn't understand why they advise against this, since they themselves had relationships, but now that I'm older I understand it. I am an eighteen year old girl speaking to all those who haven't had a boyfriend yet, high school is high school whether or not you have a boyfriend. I am a virgin, and I have never been kissed. I've longed for the lips of another to brush mine, tasting the aroma of another scent as his body is pressed against mine. Yes, I admit that I am human after all, I have fantasized about it. I now understand that whether or not I get asked out by the boy/man of the hour I still remain myself. I am a proud virgin who desires to remain a virgin until the night has come for two bodies to become one, the night will be sacred and blessed with God's golden touch of bliss. Behind closed doors, I have begun to learn to understand who I am and not just know who I am. I am beginning to love the skin I am in at all times. I begin a new step in life, and I think I have just begung to grow up.

What is raw?

If raw is an emotion I would call it basic. Raw should bring us to the most basic element of life. NOt the existence of it for it would simply be too complex for the human mind to grasp. I like discovering what the symbolism to raw. Many like to relate it to sex. But that can not be so. For the process to sex involves an emotion. Any emotion for that matter is too complex for it to be fully understood. For example if love was a reason for sex, than that emotion would involve too much thinking. FOr sometimes out of love, one is forced before they are ready into it. By the way, no one can really get ready for something they have not experienced. YOu can only get prepared for it, but getting ready does not really quite qualify it. Back to the original topic, raw can not relate to love. Love should be one of the most basic fundamentals of most emotions and it is fundamental do not get me wrong, it just is not basic. Humans have taken love and turned into an over exaggerated sensation felt by another. Love can be classified into many different categorized into many study cases. Many therapists and psychologists will explain and convince many that love is just another emotion resulting in some chemical affect in our brain. If that is the case then love can not be considered raw. Raw is like carbon before being cut and turned into a diamond. Sex is not raw, for it is an action brought on by an emotion of lust. Lust another cubic zirconia for love. Lust itself is a disappointing form of love. Lust is not raw, it's just a façade for the emotions we tend to hide by accident.

Dating...

Dating is like a wave a people coming your way. You don't wave will hurt you, but all you understand is the basics. Using the basics you can play the game so that you don't get hurt. But on the other hand not knowing the complexities of the game you may end up drowning. It's such a complex area of life in my case, because I was not allowed to date like most kids my age. Like the good daughter that I am I obeyed. But now that I have the oportunity to date I don't even know if I want to date. It's weird because I always looked forward to that time in my life when I would be able to date, and I longed for it with a passion at times, but now that it's here I don't think I want that priviledge. In fact I don't know whether to call it a priviledge, because then it could turn out to be an unnecessary burden. It's crazy I don't know where to stand on that issue. People look at me and wonder why I haven't had a date yet, and I guess deep down it's because I don't want one. I'm afraid of getting hurt. Too many friends of mine have gotten hurt. It hurts enough to just want to be with a person that doesn't like you, imagine the pain of being cheated on. I don't understand why most people would trust their emotions with someone they don't know. No one truly knows anyone for that matter. But I guess, on the other hand how can I trust anyone if I don't let them, right? It's my own personal problem, I guess. I don't get attached to anyone, I don't call my friends unless I have to and I don't go shopping unless I have to. It's my way of staying safe. No one can hurt if they don't know me, right? Maybe...I just don't want to be the victim of pity party. I don't want to end up going home, and crying over something I could've prevented. Maybe it's not good for me...maybe it is. I've been doing for a while now and it's been working. But sometimes, I just wish I had someone I was really close. I don't mean Jesus, I mean someone human, that I could talk to and hear their voice talk back. Sometimes I wish that person was of the oposite sex, so that we could sometimes become more than friends. Someone that I would trust my very essence to. Than I remember no human is perfect. We are all able to hurt, destroy and break a person, even if we do it by accident, right?

A Song of Love

When there is nothing but the words left to elaborate the emotions of a melody, you know you got something hot. When love is all you got to go on, the melody of that simple yet intricate emotion gets you flying into something immortal. The words are there but unsaid and the world becomes nothing than just bystanders. You become the star of your own opera. Your life is the revolving stage as the others just stand and watch. Some wish that it was them, transported in the dream reality of what is actually happening. Others are contemplating the joy of love taking place at the time of the young. It blooms and the world stands ready. The obstacle comes and love takes control. The mind is often at war with the heart. Confusion plays a key role into the climax of this dilemma. Many are not so sure of what is yet to come. However knowing and feeling what is unseen but so clear to so many is incredible. Just being there, gives a sense of hope that everything is going to be just fine. They don't need to be so close. A kiss is not even required. Just a simple look of love says I trust you with my emotion. No one needs to say anything, but the world will know. When they walk the globe stops and stare understanding that, this is what is supposed to be like. They do not let anything bother them. They are together, and they become one. They stand alone, however where one is the other is near. Nothing goes wrong as long as they are together. They are both vulnerable to each other, and yet they are the safest. They do not fear this world, their only fear is losing each other. Their bond unites all, draws all attention to their happiness. They are different, the truest gems of love in our generation. They are in love, not just in love like fallen in love. They have that raw love that has evolved into a diamond love. It is not felt by many nowadays, because no one takes the time to communicate or to work anything out. Everyone is so busy it is sickening. But they are deep and embedded in love. They, my friends have found the foundation to a successful life, a song of love.

Lovey-Dovey Stuff

Understanding love is as complicated as understanding what quantum physics actually means at the age of five. It is the simplest emotion felt, and yet the most complexed feeling of them all. It can be a good thing, to be in love, as long as the other person loves you the way you love them. But as soon as you are the only one on the love cruise you are suddenly under the spell. Whether you want to admit it or not, you become enslaved by it. Your life is no longer normal around that person, you are too busy determining your mood for that day. If you are the type who wants to let the other one know how you feel, then you easily become extremely gittery, giggly and all of a sudden all you want is for that person to notice you. However if you are the type who can't seem to understand that love can be a good, you all of a sudden want to kill that person. The significant no longer seems important to your existence. Their very presence in that same room will cause you to get vexed for no reason. That my friend is called denial. There is something that happens when a person finally realizes their worth. Their demands become more and more complex. Their confidence has been to a higher that allows them to do things they would've never have thought. They can talk to whomever they want understanding that if necessary they can run the game, and the winner has already spoken. The needs are much more extravagant, elegant, and classy. They are all that they need to be, and life becomes much more simple. The goals are met, and their life becomes much more interesting. So for all of those who desire the high society, the soul mate, and that extra something that makes life worth it all, my friend the key to it all is confidence. Get your priorities right. Ladies understand that you are diamonds worn and delicately put on the crowns of kings. Men understand that you are the golden circle that embraces the fair maidens fingers. Don't let that lovey-dovey stuff keep you from getting what you want out of life.

Thank You

If I was to begin thanking you, I wouldn't end. I'm not the only one who feels this way, that I do know. But I am the only one brave enough to admit. If I can stand understanding what a father is, it's thanks to you. They say that most girls pick guys who are just like their fathers, I pray that for my case it is not true. I didn't know what a father was until I met you. I then understood that parents did not need to be together to raise a child or show love to a child. But this is not why I say thank you. I thank you today for saving a life before it was presented to danger. Before suicidal played a major part in my life, and before the twisted men played their part on me you were there playing a major role. Through your actions and your words of wisdom. Through your realness and your ability to be real. You show class and act like a gentleman not realizing you are doing this, and you pass these same traits to your kids. You expect them to grow up knowing how to treat a lady, knowing that it is important to walk her to her door making sure that she is safe. I like that and though many men have forgotten that most ladies haven't. I thank you because you were there during my most critical years of growing up. I am a stronger person because of you, and you emphasized what I already knew of myself. I never quite understood the role of a man in a young girl's life until I met you. A man can inspire a woman to be all that she can be. Not that a woman can not reach her full potential on her own. But there's something about the support of the opposite sex that is so much more special. I can't really explain it. I also thank you because you took the time for each and every one. You know who we are more than anyone else we know. You made of us a family we our own stories to share. We understand one another like siblings do, we fight like siblings do, and we make up like siblings do. There's something about that bond you helped create that I haven't experienced before with any friend that I have been acquainted with. You have a key that opens doors to our lives in a good way. You are patient, humble yet most importantly human. You keeps us on grounded understanding that life is so simple if you just enjoy the good times. I also like the way you go the extra mile to see us smile. The way you become a kid when we want to have fun. The way you become so different from the rest of the adults. You become one of us, young, energetic and eager to learn. You, my friend, are different and on behalf of all of us I thank you. Because as I sit by my window sill, on misummer night. When I can't think of anything else, I think of you, and how you have made an impact not only on my life, but on the lives of all of us. For teaching us life I thank you. And I pray that my husband would be more like you, changing the direction of confused hopefuls everywhere.

Diamond Cutters

True dimaond cutters do not showcase their precious diamonds in the Tiffany store. For those diamonds are not worn as ornaments that symbolize love. True diamond cutters do not forsake their carbon, despite its ugliness and its roughness around its edges. True diamond cutters are not the world's richest people, well majority of the time. True diamond cutters are not paid to cut their carbon either. Most people fear the job of being a diamond cutter, but they adore the diamond itself. A diamond cutter must be delicate with its fragile piece. The corners must be cut and molded at the precise temperature in order to come out in excellence. For the people will pay without care for the perfect diamond, but they will quickly forget of the carbon. Diamond cutters do not rely on what others say to know what's best for his carbon. The diamond cutters cut with ease and discipline. They understand what I love you means, but will not be fooled by his diamond. Just because the diamond shines in the light does not mean that it is ready to be on the market. The diamond cutter makes sure that his diamond is hard to find, and that no one else will be able to find a diamond as perfect as his. A diamond cutters is hard to find, and the need for them is large. So many carbon molecules are ready to cut into fine jewelry, but the diamond cutters are not around to do this job. Not many are interested into going in this field. It's not an easy job but someone has got to do the job. A diamond cutter makes sure that his diamond is cut so that even when the light goes out the diamond shines; captures every fragment of light left in the room. A diamond cutter achieves the impossible, and leaves the crowd gasping in shock from the beauty of the masterpiece he has just created. The diamond cutters are all around us, some excel in their job and would never want to be anything else. Others perish in their field, and produce some of those diamonds. A diamond cutter is my mother, the only one who would sacrifice so much to see me succeed. She brought me up with many dreams to accomplish. With many goals in my life, that I must make reality. She taught the life of the poor and taught me to live like a rich one. Just because I live among the carbon, does not make me a carbon forever. Because while this carbon watches all the other carbons in her neighborhood, the diamond cutter is hard at work. Sculpting, molding, and cutting all unnecessary parts of the diamond. A diamond cutter is anyone who allows a child to live life with a righteous purpose. For we are all carbon, but in order to become the most expensive and valuable diamond on the market, we must have the diamond cutters to do all the hard work.

The Day She Woke Up 3

He found by water fountain where all princesses and duchesses gathered for their meal. He watched her constantly like a vampire attracted to blood. He stared at her examining her every move, picturing her every thought. Once in a while, she would turn and glance at him, vaguely. That glance lasted a mere second but to him it was eternity. He wondered if she noticed him, if she found him attractive, he would memorize that distant look on her face, the glow of the foundation that perfectly matched her skin tone. Yes she was Simone Dexier, the girl of his dreams. The diamond that lured men to their face until Alexis showed up. Alexis was just another wannabe in his eyes. A girl without a clue despite her honour roll status. But Simone was more than just a princess, she was a goddess wrapped in gold, where only pure platinum embraced her neck and ears. Diamonds showered her clothing styles, and she would glide across the floor like an angel on cloud nine. She walked up to him and whispered, " Hi. I'm Simone."
He swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and said,"Hi, I'm Devon." "What keeps you so attracted to me?" she whispered back. "Your natural beauty. YOur hair, your wit and your personality; everything about you keeps me hooked," he replied. She disappeared slowly, into thin air, and he would wake up from his daydream.
However while Simone made him drool, he had Alexis around his fingers and he had not even noticed. She walked by him every day, at she would smile at him, hoping she caught his eye. She did not understand why he was so hard to get. She was beautiful, intelligent, and guys just seemed to like her no matter what. He would politely smile back, whenever he saw her and go about his way. Alexis made conversations with him, and nothing worked out. THey did not even leave as friends, but as the same as they walked in the room. She would giggle out loud hoping to catch his attention, but all he would is leave. She could not understand, so one day she walked up to him and said, "I know you like Simone." "Simone?" he replied shocked. "Don't even try to deny it!" she said. "Okay so what is it to you?" "I like you, I have many guys falling for me, but I want you!" He looked with disgust and shock and said, "So should I bow down to my feet, your majesty?" "Answer me one question, why don't you like me?" "I hate your type, fake without a clue. You're the nerd who becomes the princess and hopefully gets her prince! I don't fall for losers like you, sorry! In other words you are not my type!" and he left without looking back. Leaving Alexis crushed and confused. She could not understand it. What did she do wrong? Was it something she said? She acted that way with all her guy friends. She walked into her biology class, where she ran into Simone. The teacher called each of the pupils name "...Alexandra," the teacher called. The students looked around the room searching for this Alexandra of whom the teacher spoke of. Then it dawned on her, that she had changed. She had become Alexis, an eager, aggressive, self-cetered brat with little confidence to back up her talk. Whereas Alexandra was a curious, gentle, wise girl with virtue in her every pocket of life. "Is Alexandra here?" the teacher asked. "Yes...I am she," replied a meek little voice. "Could you please stand up, so I can see you?" asked the teacher. Meanwhile Simone was making gestures advising her to shut up and enjoy her new life. Gracefully she stood up and replied, "Here I am, I have been hiding under this façade called Alexis. I am not the goddess of high school, I am just Alexandra, the nerd you would bully for the fun of it. The one who would dress according to what she could afford without trying to impress anybody. " She took off her coloured contacts and replaced them for her glasses. She tied her hair up, and threw on an oversized hoodie to cover up her bra straps. Took off her stilettoes, and wore her sneakers. Before she knew it she was Alexandra again. She didn't end up with her prince, instead Simone got him. But she had already moved on by then. Alexandra realized that to every opinion is some truth, it's our job to filter out the bad and choose the best truth.

The Day She Woke Up 2

Alexandra walked around the castle of socialites manipulating and playing the minds of those naive enough to fall into her trap. She broke many hearts and caused many tears to drop. Alexandra hence changed her name from Alexandra to Alexis. Understanding the power of an edgier name. The spell it would cast when the lips were formed to pronounce the name Alexis with the emphasis of the sssss sound as it came out in a whisper. The males went raging insanely in their minds wondering the magic behind it all, for there could not see it. The once quiet, shy girl became a goddess among them; calling her the queen would be an insult to her status for she was highly praised among her peers. She thought, she sought, and she conquered without the slightest effort. She was that good. Simone continued to watch in enjoyment as she began to realize that the caterpillar had become the butterfly, with that special je-ne-sais-quoi that keeps everybody watching. However to say Alexis enjoyed it would be a lie, for she did not grow up like that. She was taught that love is an emotion that was felt between two intimate friends whom providence had brought together. But what she saw was something different. She felt emotions she had never felt before and misunderstood them for disgust. She saw men fall at her feet and pitied them for their insanity. She did not, could not comprehend that they were dangerously lusting after her... until she met the one man that made her fall to her feet. Devon Jones. The only one to have the goddess at her feet.

The Day She Woke Up

Once upon a time in a land far away, where dragons and towers were replaced by teachers, and high school, was a girl. A girl, that no one took a chance to notice, for she blended in with the rest of the crowd. Her name was Alexandra.The fairest of the princes looked after those with so few clothes on their bodies, and few knowledge. However Alexandra knew that these girls had a knowledge that she could not understand. What Alexandra did not know was that, she had no intention of wanting to acquire that knowledge, for she was complacent in her dwelling. She did not for those to notice her body, but her mind. Her mind had something that all the kings and princes of all nation desired of a woman, originality. Everyday she would take the common transportation as a way to get home. She would talk to her colleagues, knowing she would not see them during the weekend, unless by coincidence. She understood her world was far different from those around her, and did not wish to change. Until, she met Simone. Simone had beauty wrapped around her, from the top of her head to the bottom of her heel. Simone had a way of making men drop to her feet with a giggle. Simone knew the mind of men and how to manipulate each mind, and resculp their desires so it would fit her needs. She enslaved so many as they stood hypnotized by the sound of her voice, wanting to be near her every second of the day. She casted a spell around the school, that had given way for jealousy to emerge in the minds of every common girl in sight. However she kept her cool and never once looked back, until she met Alexandra. She looked at the frumpy female and waved her over.
"How come you are not threatened by me? Can't you I have won every single guy you seem to care about?" asked Simone.
"I see what you have accomplished, and I am impressed. But these guys do not care about quality of a woman, they care about the quantity of sex appeal in a woman. Every guy I care do not fall at the mercy of a woman," replied Alexandra.
Yet still Alexandra yearned to know how Simone, she longed for that kind power. Right there and then Simone showed the secret to manipulation. Alexandra grew with confidence and could draw men to their feet with a single word. But she was not satisfied, for her prince was not any of these guys who adored her, but the unexpected one whom she had not yet seen.

Lovely and Proud

Today I did exactly what I said I woud and I revamped my style. It wasn't a total success but I did enough to congratulate myself today, I had a conversation without being the one that led the conversation. I dressed appropriately enough that I could go to work with what I was wearing. I didn't laugh too hard. There were still some bad though. My hair didn't stick with me until the end. I did end up being a bit too loud at one point, but hey I'm just starting right. It will take some getting use to... but I can make it. I have Jesus to make it through with.

Revamp my style

I've done some thinking and I don't really like what I'm seeing. Everything is so bland, and so boring. that includes my look. So I am going on a self-makeover journey in order to rejuvenate my style. The style includes the way I talk, walk and dress. I will be remixing my clothes and recreating my action in a different. Change is good as long as we keep it safe right. So here are the rules:
1) Curl hair everyday; a girl had got to look good and the best way to do it is to use your hair
2) Wear clothes that fit; I have a huge bottom so finding clothes that fit is a challenge
3) Do not attend events, you're not needed at; keep them waiting and then make your entrance
4) Better to smile and giggle than to laugh; that's just for me
5) Keep most comments to yourself; If you're talkative this is for you and me
6) Hold your head high; self-confidence is the key to success
7) Walk with your back straight; unless you're the hunchback of Notre-Dame there is no need to walk with a crooked back
8) Say a prayer; It never hurt and God always hears you
9) Try different hairstyle; it never hurts to try
10) Have fun; be comfortable with who you are
so here they are. my top ten rules for this summer. so i started my plan tonight and there will be updates on this self-made makeover.

Call it PMS, or whatever u want...

Lately I've noticed that many of us are living in a world that teaches us to be different, but yet shows us that in order to be different we must conform and be just like the others. Then again that could be just like my world. It's not like I want to be like the others but the others seem to influence more than I can influence them. It's true that I don't want to influence them because I don't sound too good. My advices are too pushy and controversial. Well I am a christian. If you in the wrong I'm going to tell you. It's ridiculous how people can't seem to talk, I am amazed. I got a feeling even if a life and death situation was to present itself before us, we would not talk just because the silence is so much more supported than the talking. I am obviously not a verbal person, everything that I say is not taken like it should be. I act yet my actions are louder than words, at times I wish they weren't. I can't seem to talk to anybody, lately I've been argumentative. I can't seem to agree so I keep everything to myself, I can't talk to my mother. But partially that's her fault. When I do talk to her she uses everything against me. It's not like I don't trust her. I trust that she will be my mother and that's about it, but other than that...So I had a friend that I use to confide in but lately I realized that there are things that I need to figure out on my own. I don't need those closest to me to know my every worries. It doesn't look good on me. Half the time I don't understand my mother, half of my bad habits I picked up from her. She's not a bad mother, but she's not very encouraging. My sister tells me that she doesn't want to let me go, but that's not the vibe that I'm getting. Lately her words are more focused on getting married, it's kind of scary. I don't like the life that I am living and that is why I love to go away on trips with my church. I know it sounds selfish, but it's true I love to go away just to get away from her. Because when I am away I miss her more, and the relationship gets better. That's what I think anyways...

He likes her

It's so hard someone to talk to without feeling judged. In fact it's so hard to find someone to talk to period. Everyone is so busy working that just talking becomes a moment of silence. We become hypocrites without wanting to. I'm a just be real for a while. I'm tired of speaking like the third person as if my life is perfect or hellish(if that's a word). Look I know this girl, alright and she likes this guy, well I hope she does. This is one of the sweetest girls I know, and I'm not just saying. She's so easy to talk to, but the girl does know how to gossip. Anyways, she has this ability to make everyone around her feel so good. She is always, unless she has her "technical difficulties". But either way, she is a charming young woman with so much to offer. She use to like this one guy, but he never liked her. She was too weird around even after they broke up. I think she knew he never liked her but she didn't want to admit it to herelf. However the guy's brother started liking her after they broke up. She shows interest in him, and I pray she is not misleading him, because he really likes her; the brother that is. Well I used to like that guy, the brother. I backed off when I realized that he ignored me and payed way too much attention to her. Like I wrote before he really likes, even if he denies it. Well the other day, a flood of raging jealousy entered the pits of my guts, when I saw them together. Maybe I do like him still...but it hurts enough knowing that he doesn't like me. We don't even talk as friends. It's partly my fault. But he really likes her, and I can't blame him. He really does like her. I hope he doesn't end up feeling hurt by her. There are rumors going around that she is just using him to get back with the ex. She often gives reasons for people to think that way. But I pray that, that is not the case. He really likes her, and she knows it. He's a big boy, he'll be fine. So while my heart is breaking, and as I now realize the facts from fiction, I know I'll be ok. I'm a big girl. They say true love is when you want nothing but happiness for your loved one. I'm not saying that I love him, but I know right from wrong. Instead of sneaking around looking for trouble, I pray that he finds happiness. Just because he really likes her.

Not ready...

I'm not ready to abide by your rules, because it kills me, who I am, the soul, the voice that makes me distinct from her. I don't giggle and cuss just to fit in. I apply the knowledge that I have gained to make those either smarter or feel dumber. I'm not a snob and yes you can have fun with me it all depends on the way you do it. I'm not perfect, but if you think I am then I am so sweet, so innocent, but beware innocence can be cruel if you mess with it. I don't fall under the stereotypes of those with my status. I achieve the impossible with my God by my side. I don't change to fit your needs, but only my creator's. For His will is my will. I am who I am for my creator, and Him only. I liked, thought I loved, but I knew I did not because love in mine eyes is shared between lovers. I understand why you are attracted to her, she's not innocent, but she is sweet. She is loose with whatever you feel, and I can't blame you for it. But sadly enough I realized the reason behind it all. I'm too innocent for you to have. Besides I'm out of your league(lol). But seriously, it's not happening tonight...I'm not ready for you and I don't think I ever will be.

Just a Girl

At the age of 18 I should be allowed to admit to this world that i am just a girl. i'm not done and i'm not ready to stop growing, there's too much to do, and too little time to do it. I love what I do and the responsibility that I bear, but do not consider me an adult. Adulthood is too complex and complicating, there's too much involved in it. I'm not ready for half the things thrown and all I do is adjust. I see a machine and the best I can is finding how it works. I can link things together in no time, but I am not an adult. I do make my own decisions, but I do need the love and care I didn't understand when I was three. I am not going anywhere and am not turning into an over-crazed loser with no clue about the meaning of life. I am a girl just trying to live as a girl in this crazy so please understand me. I AM NOT DONE GROWING AND I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP. it's just too hard to be an adult, and i'm not ready.

Confessions...

I don't know if I have ever been totally honest with all those around me. If I was I don't think I would regret. I have a confession to make... I didn't think turning would be so life-changing. I thought it was just a number that one turns. The only people who would make a big deal out of it would be the government, but it turns out that I am wrong yet again, in fact it has nothing to do with you anymore. It's all about what Mama says now. If the teenage years were the worst then I guess being 18 is just hell... anyways. Sometimes I dream of falling asleep and no one would wake me, and it would be just be by myself. You know why I love sleeping so much? Because it's the only thing you can do in this world that doesn't require a pill, it's good for you, and it's legal. But in all seriousness, I can go anywhere in my sleep and can't anybody say anything about it. The emotions are real and quite interesting. But one thing it always provides is total peace. The world is at ease and it's the high feeling I can't get enough of. Of course crying never solves anything, neither has laughing to cover up the crying. So what's left for me to do...nothing but what I've always. If I survive this year I should get Best Actress Award. I cry myself to sleep every night, yet every morning I can fake a smile throughout the day. I'm as dumb as donkey, yet I can all the great political that I have the brain of Einstein. Unbelievable huh? My world is out of balance, but my world is so perfect to the untrained eye. How do I do it? I don't even know, I blame God. Who else could let me do all the things I do without getting tired. It's not that I don't feel it, it's just that I'm not allowed to be tired, for there are others more tired with no goals other than to obtain the vanities of this world. Let's not forget education has value, but let's compare education, to sex shall we? Sex life in a marriage is quite important compared to just lame education! And it's not like you wanna be a doctor or anything, just a biochemists improving the works of a doctor. Yeah... but they don't know that. Besides a husband is the ultimate way to be happy. That's why I've been boy-crazy all these. Because of my fear of being alone. Well, I don't care anymore, the guys don't want to look at me, and I don't need them to make me happy. I'm alone anyways so being alone for the rest of my life will not kill me. It's sickening t0 hear the gossipping the negative influence going on in my head, from the one I am supposed to trust. Parents do me one favor, if your kids talk to you about personal stuff, don't use against them. Talking doesn't embarrassment 2 days later. Also stop thinking your kids are just lusting after boys, if they are most likely you influenced her. Please, please remember 18 is just a number, nothing else. They aren't waiting to leave the house, and if they are you've done something. At 18, they are most likely trying to impress, not dismiss you. Parents, please listen when your kids talk to you, they don't need to be judged, and a crush comes around at 20 times a year, so keep up with the latest crushes please!!! Good night.

An Unknown Beginning

It 's kind of awkward, writing this knowing what awaits me... but after today I think I understand the meaning of "falling out of love". It's weird, because you don't know when it happens, in fact you don't even expect it. It just happens, you don't like, or love whatever the status of the relationship may be (in my case it was like very much), but you get the point. I crushed on this guy for almost 2 years and I couldn't understand why I couldn't or wouldn't make up my mind on whether I liked him or not. When I finally realized I like, I realized I liked him a lot. In fact, too much. It was weird because I never felt that way about anybody. In fact, I liked him so much that some nights I would cry myself to sleep begging God, to make him like me too. Then again, at the time I couldn't figure out if he liked me back, or if I was hallucinating, either way it doesn't matter anymore. I reminisce on these events, when my mom would practically bark at me for either liking him or because I made myself too vulnerable to him. Maybe she was right, it sure saved the pleasure of embarrassing myself, but I never knew if he liked me back, or if he was just being himself. Being himself meaning ignoring me, and the only time we'd have a conversation was to insult one another. It was a pretty disfunctional relationship if you'd ask, but I was determined to overthink the entire relationship, to the point we don't even talk anymore. I don't know what happened there, somewhere along the way we stayed away from one another. He started talking, (it almost looked like flirting) to this other girl, and they became friends...it's okay now. But at first I was so mad, it was heartbreaking, but now she's my friend, and if they do hook up I wish them the best. Now, I think I'm beginning to realize that I don't like him anymore, I just wish we could hang out. He is so boring with me, but with them other girls he is so charming, so funny, and so witty. I don't know if I'm the problem, but whatever it is...whatever I think we are both too scared to approach it. We both ignore one another like we don't exist, but I know that in my heart I do notice, and I wait for him to make a move, but he never does. Instead he makes a move on someone else. I kind of envy those girls at times. I wish...I wish he would talk to me...maybe even flirt with me...I wish we could have a conservation without an insult. Sometimes I would compliment him and he would act as if it meant nothing. As if he was brushing off dirt. But if that girl would say it, it meant the world to him. I could never understand that, I basically assumed that either he was nervous around me, or he just hated me with a passion. If anyone has a clue just let me know. But now I realize that I'm not waiting around for his move because it's not coming...not in time for prom anyhow. However there are other men waiting to meet, see me and to be with me. Life is too short to wait around for the possible, when the inevitable occurs. If wonderboy likes me, he should have said something, because if Mario comes out of nowhere and hooks up with me then that's his lost, right?

This is not a Hate Page

I am so sick and tired of homosexual acting like they own the world. If you want respect then respect me. Most of them act like they deserve to be treated like kings and queens of the universe. Well, excuse me it's not like you are not disrespecting my religion. I understand that religion has nothing to do many things, but what i want in life is for my kids to grow up and understand that a mommy and a daddy made them, naturally. I don't want the government brainwashing my kids on marijuana, and marriage. Marriage is sacred and if it wasn't for the church no one in this world would be married. so there is no need for anyone to even try and prove me wrong. And even science proves that there is no way in this entire world that two ppl of the same gender can create and raise a kid, oh yes my friends it has been proven. What are you going to tell the rest of the world when the Canadians all end up having holes in their from smoking weed? At least George Bush can stand up, and make a decision based on the commonwealth of his country, while Canada is busy running away from children without a clue. It's so sad how Canada claims to be so wonderful, and not racist, when their history contains nothing regarding African-Canadians. However they were the ones who abolished slavery first right? Unbelievable, how Canada will back down from a war, but will not back when it comes to killing innocent children with drugs. If the Canadian government really wanted to create peace... then defending its country sounds better than creating its extinction, doesn't it? Why is it that the visible minorities are still feeling rejected, and the homosexuals are given more importance? What is it about being gay in a country like Canada, that is is so much more important than being a refuge from a country like Congo? Even the visible minorities are rejected, and it's so common that everyone just shrugs it off, like it's no big deal.

2 Many Faces for a Girl Like Me

Lovely and pretty is that girl you see
The only one that you dream to be
Intelligent and yet neglected is in
The skin too dark for body within
Anybody can be crazy that boy next door
You know the one eating and screaming for more
If I'm trying something new doesn't mean I'm changing
My life is need of some rearranging

Chorus
Too many faces for a girl like me
Different place calls for different face
Been broken and hurt, and so do not see
The real actress, is just another phase

Wannabe me, but still confused
Learning how to be, yet still living
Attract the false hope, for one so used
Understanding the hope comes with thanksgiving
Why the lies when the truth comes out
Cause then there's a reason why I shout
365 days, 7 days a week
I'm just too loud, to be so meek

Good girls finish last

It never made sense to me when I saw somebody get rewarded for doing something that is basically common sense. If your at church and you know you're supposed to worship, then why not just do it? Why is it so difficult to do the right thing without being ignored? Us good girls, do everything that we're supposed to and that's okay because it's expected. But as soon as an ex-con comes in and does something good, not even something extraordinary, just something that I would do just as a daily routine, they receive the nobel peace prize. It's not fair to us good girls who have been doing for forever to constantly be ignored. In fact, it makes us want to join the wild side, at least we'll be recognized. I don't understand why it's so important for us to set the example when no one is looking. In fact, the only they remember the good in us is when it's gone. I don't promote rebellion, but for the love of God can we please pay attention, and encourage those who have been doing good all their life. They, themselves love to be noticed and appreciated just like everyone else. Instead of babying and pampering all of those who get standing ovation just being good that one time. Most of the time, they end up going back to their old ways anyways. I'm all for encouraging our peers but at the same time let's remember those who were here before the conversion of the hooligans.

Good girls finish last

2 young 4 life

Obviously grade 12is supposed to be the best year of high school. But when u ain't a got a job, skool becomes a stressful situation, and parents are on ur back, then life becomes hell. Life used 2 b so good to me then i turned 18. I am now on welfare, not based on my will, i can't get a date now that i am allowed to date. it's ridiculous how i live. i have a different face for everywhere that i go. i don't even know my real face anymore. maybe i'm exaggerating, but that's how i feel. at church i become happy and helpful, at home i try to be the perfect eldest daughter, but it doesn't seem to work lately, and at skool i am the voice of my high skool. but deep down i wish i could cry and scream , and maybe even beat up a few ppl. i hate my current situation, and i know things will get better, but i don't when. and it frustrates me because my friends have it all and they try to help but they don't know the whole story. it all started when we started letting this kid sleep over. he's not mean or disrespectful towards any of us, but he's a spoiled, rebellious kid without a clue. i can't stand him. besides that no one wants him around, so now everybody's stressed, and i'm getting blamed for every retardedly stupid thing taht happens in my house. now i come to realize taht not only the guy i have a crush on doesn't like me, but he's also a total jerk. i mean it i never knew that until tonight. i can't stand my current situation. now it seems like i won't be able to graduate. i know that God will provide, i just don't konw when, and it bothers me 'cause i wnated the perfect life for so long, and now it looks like there's no more hope, jus faith, and i don't know how long my faith will last. things weren't like this when i was younger; it was easier if u got in trouble u knew y. but now everything is hard, learning becomes my hardest challenge. so i guess i have nothing to do but wait on the Lord, right?

Nothing like it

It's unbelievable how much it can hurt to see some of the greatest people in your life get exactly what they deserve. I mean there is so much that they do in their community and in your life, but as soon as they too much it hurts. Maybe it's jealousy, and it's bad but materialistic wise it doesn't matter, but love wise it tends to matter. Not the fact that you like that person, but just the fact that they got it all. I mean why is it that they get the man, the job, the looks , and the personality and I'm struggling trying to make everything balance.

Nothing is worth...

Why do we run away from what we believe to be the ultimate sin? WE all know we want it, but we look elsewhere and get distracted so easily. Is it worth eternal regret? I don't think so, yet many do. Everyone wants everlasting, neverending passionate love, yet no know one wants to work at it. No one understands the meaning of communication. Back in the day, families had no choice but to communicate because divorce was not an option. Why is it now that we make excuses for our selfishness. To love oneself is to respect oneself and others but to be selfishly, indulged in oneself. There's nothing to lose when it comes to love, unless you have extreme pride. No one understands the word love as much anymore. It saddens me to think that in the year 2020, more than 50% of the population will end up as I did. I don't want my children to grow up without a father, that's just too sad. But if the media, continues to encourage the nation of this world to believe that growing up in a single-parent family is alright, then I fear that my grandchildren will grow up as I did. So then who will take care of the children to come?