Dating...

Dating is like a wave a people coming your way. You don't wave will hurt you, but all you understand is the basics. Using the basics you can play the game so that you don't get hurt. But on the other hand not knowing the complexities of the game you may end up drowning. It's such a complex area of life in my case, because I was not allowed to date like most kids my age. Like the good daughter that I am I obeyed. But now that I have the oportunity to date I don't even know if I want to date. It's weird because I always looked forward to that time in my life when I would be able to date, and I longed for it with a passion at times, but now that it's here I don't think I want that priviledge. In fact I don't know whether to call it a priviledge, because then it could turn out to be an unnecessary burden. It's crazy I don't know where to stand on that issue. People look at me and wonder why I haven't had a date yet, and I guess deep down it's because I don't want one. I'm afraid of getting hurt. Too many friends of mine have gotten hurt. It hurts enough to just want to be with a person that doesn't like you, imagine the pain of being cheated on. I don't understand why most people would trust their emotions with someone they don't know. No one truly knows anyone for that matter. But I guess, on the other hand how can I trust anyone if I don't let them, right? It's my own personal problem, I guess. I don't get attached to anyone, I don't call my friends unless I have to and I don't go shopping unless I have to. It's my way of staying safe. No one can hurt if they don't know me, right? Maybe...I just don't want to be the victim of pity party. I don't want to end up going home, and crying over something I could've prevented. Maybe it's not good for me...maybe it is. I've been doing for a while now and it's been working. But sometimes, I just wish I had someone I was really close. I don't mean Jesus, I mean someone human, that I could talk to and hear their voice talk back. Sometimes I wish that person was of the oposite sex, so that we could sometimes become more than friends. Someone that I would trust my very essence to. Than I remember no human is perfect. We are all able to hurt, destroy and break a person, even if we do it by accident, right?