I want what I don't want

Understanding that throughout high school, most of my friends dated. They had relationships and with those relationships came emotional distractions. Unlike guys, girls do not tend to heal easy, unless their hormones all of sudden got back to normal. Unlike most girls my age, I did not date. I was not allowed and I did not defy the rules of my mother. I don't regret listening to her, it was one of the best things I could've ever done for myself. However I must admit most nights I did want to be those girls, learning the good, the bad and the ugly in a relationship. But I was the girl who was brutally honest, if the dude was a dog, I told them to kick them out life. I was brutally honest when it came to relationships. I did not understand them, I just saw a neutral angle on truth. However when one is emotional the truth has a new angle, and the view is a lot different. Anyways, most of these people end up dating from time. Everytime one knew why I didn't date, they actually encouraged to stay without a boyfriend. They told me that I was doing myself a favour. I now truly believe them. Back then I didn't and couldn't understand why they advise against this, since they themselves had relationships, but now that I'm older I understand it. I am an eighteen year old girl speaking to all those who haven't had a boyfriend yet, high school is high school whether or not you have a boyfriend. I am a virgin, and I have never been kissed. I've longed for the lips of another to brush mine, tasting the aroma of another scent as his body is pressed against mine. Yes, I admit that I am human after all, I have fantasized about it. I now understand that whether or not I get asked out by the boy/man of the hour I still remain myself. I am a proud virgin who desires to remain a virgin until the night has come for two bodies to become one, the night will be sacred and blessed with God's golden touch of bliss. Behind closed doors, I have begun to learn to understand who I am and not just know who I am. I am beginning to love the skin I am in at all times. I begin a new step in life, and I think I have just begung to grow up.