A dream

A dream is real until you wake up
Once it's over you get up and realize it was dream
While you're asleep, you create as your mind proceeds
All your wants become needs
All you need is at your feet
The dream can go on, if it is real
But once it's over, you get up and move on

The Walls Come Down

I finally get it. A lot of women belieeve that if she says the first hello then she made the first. Well I'm sorry to say that a simple is not a move. The man does not meet a wife the first time he sees you, unless you are married to someone else. No ladies, the first time he sees you he sees a woman. You could be the ugly woman or the pretty woman. Nevertheless, he sees a woman. Saying hello is not making. Also, making a conversation is not always verbal. I just learnt that tonight. If he's staring at you from across he is conversing with you. I had this happen to me, I did not understand until too little too late. Now he's leaving. That could've been a good relationship. Not only with a great guy, but with a cute. I am so picky when it comes to guys and that is a good thing, but I was overexaggerating. I believe the Lord is teaching me a lesson. The walls must come down. The expectations we set are sometimes us hiding behind the door. Personally I use to set the bar so high, that no one could get through. I'd have to custom-make this dream guy in order for him to be real. There are good guys out there, but most of us ladies make it so hard to meet them we become blind to them. They pass by us everyday wanting to get know us, but we are so immune to them and so attracted to the messed up ones, that that is all we get. We don't attract them, but we are blind to the good ones, so we target the bad ones, because that is all that we see. The walls must come down!

Lost my Focus

Lord please forgive me
I've lost my focus once again
I tried to remain faithful
Smirked at the words coming out of your children
I want to do right, but evil is present with me
I know I have a choice
But temptation sings at me like the choir
During the Sunday service
It sounds good but I know
Yet I still choose to go my way
I try to stand on my own
Forgetting that Lord is my Shepherd
I am not in control of my life
Swayed by the country boy
Carefree in all his ways
Driven by his ambition
Pleasing to the eye I found one
But I don't wnat to be like Eve
In the garden of Eden
seduced by the words of a snake
Cursed with pain due to ignorance
Please save me
Forgive me
Take my hand
Precious Lord
Take me home

Confessions of a Cashier

The first time we met you were rude to me. I had forgotten you, since you weren't my first "bad" customer. When you came back I pretended to have forgotten you, but you made sure that I had remembered you. I did not want us to go back to that previous event, but you made usre that we did. So I decided, unknowingly, to give you a taste of your own medicine. I made sure you felt the embarrassment you made me feel, as if I was insignigficant, and truly in a way you were right, I was. But you need me, more than you think. This is not me justifying myself. THere are just some things I need to get off of my chest. Tomorrow I'm heading to work. Whether or not I get to see you, is unsure. I may not get to see you ever, in a month or in a week. But the truth si from now on when you see me you will have an idea of who I am. Though it is false, I can not blame you for assuming, because I did the same to you. I am sorry for my service. I am sorry , for my behaviour. I am sorry for my tone of voice, though when I apologized my apology was meaningful, though it didn't seem so. I am sorry that we got off on the wrong foot. I am sorry that I assumed, therefore creating a series of event which caused you to think evil of me. I am sorry that you are a part of the minority, which would probably classify me as a rude person. But all I can say at this point is I am sorry. Please come again.

The Place I go

I want a place to go to when I neeed to go unwind. Most use their gifts, most a journal, some just keep it inside. I've come to the place that I can no longer keep anything inside. It's just way too hard. I want to change my way of thinking. I feel like I have to fight every single type of negativity, just to be sane in this world. Everyone says that being yourself is all that you need to survive. Truth is we must all change or conform to certain standards. But why must we also be subject to brainwashing, as a form of conformity. The standards may change but the methods still remain the same. No one want s to believe a lie, but what happens when a lie becomes the truth. Should we continue to conform to the rules of society and be like one of them. Sometimes I just wnat ot worry about myself. I don't wnat to deal with anyone else. So I block everyone else and try to forget them. I don't want to do it, but I seem to do it unconciously. I happen to regress in my treatment, so I call it. I am so sick of being different, being uncomfortable in the open as well as behind closed doors.

Father's Day

This day has always been one of the most difficult days of the year, as I reminisce over the man my biological father should've been instead of the man he is today. Many words come to mind as I desperately need to unleash the emotions in need of being heard, but as I have been raised a lady may not let the world know how she truly feels. Of course, that's why most ladies end up dead before their time, of course that's a lie, and I am joking. Personally, I hate this day. I truly do. This is the one day, that I desperately desire to forget even exist. I hate this day, with an unwanted desire to see it abolished and banned from being practiced. But then again, this is all due to my personal experience. Having to deal with a father with so much baggage and dead weight that he can't even see past himself in order to raise his children. Please fathers take care of your children. I have to depend on another man to show me what a father should do. I hate this day, have I already said? I really do. I do hope that I learn to appreciate this day, so that my future husband would not have to put up with this. As he will be a loving and devoted father, who will put his kids first above all else. Why should a man put a job before his children? Or better yet, sex before his children? But that's my situation not yours, oh that just sounds wrong. It's not in the context that it sounds in. Anyways, before I do have to thank all the fathers, especially the single parent fathers, who take care of all their children. Who take responsibility of all their kids, and acknowledges their presence in their lives. Who puts them first and is not afraid to tell them that he loves them everyday. This day is truly for you, enjoy it. To you, happy Father's Day!

I need Your Help

I know you're calling my name
But I'm feeling so much shame
Don't want to play no games
I need Your help
I know I've done You wrong
I don't want to run
The past is already done
I need Your help


I call You my best friend
I know it's not the end
I want this to be over
I need Your help
Can't deny my own mistakes
Lord I'm about to break
Hear me, here today
I need Your help

Today...

Today is the first day of the Rise Up phenomenon that is sweeping the city of Ottawa Ontario, the nation's capital. If you didn't know now you know. We will be hosting the one and only Dalon Collins. He's from Kirk Franklin and the Family. The concert that will take Ottawa by storm is happening on Saturday, March 31 at the Bronson Center at 7 pm.It's crazy, because the Greater Ottawa Mass Choir will be singing along with him. And one of the song that we will be ministering is a song I always wanted to sing but never got a chance to. So I consider it a blessing that we are able to gather together and minister to host him in our city.But just every Godly event, there's always the last minute details that seems to take precedence over all. We want a good turn out, but like always there are the maybes. The maybes always come when you know the city knows about you but you're not too sure. Especially you have your own stuff to work through. But God is faithful.If you want to know more about this event please visit www.biblewaymin.com or call (613) 820-5558. It'd be a shame for you to miss it.

Butterflies

Funny things with butterflies. They are such beautiful and yet represent so many things. At times we use them to represent the sunshine which comes after the metamorphosises of puberty. But most of the time we use to represent the fluttering we feel and we approach. It's crazy how a thought of you makes me giggle. I can't help myself. I would just smile, at times I'd rather not. But in my subconscious the most simple thing for me to do is to smile and watch you in my mind, my world, in my fantasy. It's crazy ain't it? I always wanted to be a butterfly. Butterflies are so beautiful and they can fly away. But once you appear, butterflies begin to flutter and I can't stop the sweat from the appearing, my heart beats fast and slow all at the same time, and your voice...your voice is an orchestrated gift from God. Your voice sweeps me off of my feet with a simple hello, and as soon as you continue to say other things, it's as if I'd been blessed with chocolate. It is truly a gift. I personally can't resist. My days are filled with bliss as I stand and hear your voice I no longer feel the rain dripping past my shoulders. I all of sudden become blinded from the sound of your laughter, that chases away all dark moments. I no longer am myself, but no I am intoxicated with your smile. That one you flash when you want me in your arms. But I've learnt to keep the butterflies inside. All of these emotions because of the butterflies you've put in me.

I must confess

I must confess before this eats me alive. My conscious won't let me live it down. I am trying my best to cope, but the drug has worn off. I made one of the stupidest mistakes of my life. I got fooled into thinking I could get away with it. And I did for now. I don't even know if this will ever come up. I hope it doesn't; it's bad enough dealing with this myself, let alone have someone come down on me. I can lie my way out, but the guilt and the shame would return. This alone makes me feel somewhat better. I am truly sorry, and I know that what I have will not seriously harm my partner but I did mess up either. For that I truly do apologize.

Sea of Bittersweet Fairytales

I never could remember the way he smelled until I'd hear him laugh over the phone. He had this air about him, that he was carefree. He knew he was the center of my universe. I'd remind him everyday. I'd die for him, given the chance. He had me in the palm of his hands. But he loved me oh so much. The way he danced to the rhythm of my heartbeat. With intimacy would sing me the most wonderful lyrics. Creatively enticed to an enchanted forest and led me to believe that I was asleep before I met him. He could awaken every emotion in my being with one look. He mastered his way into soul and like a bacteria he took control. But he was a good bacteria, the kind you can't live without. His body sculpted by God himself, and no woman or man could deny that fact. But I loved it; everytime they wondered how I got him on lock down, why it was I was his universe and not them, everytime they looked at me with disgust unknowingly, because I had the prize they'd been searching for. Oh it was heaven...no, no it wasn't. Was better? Maybe.He looked at me with his eyes, shining at me like a pearl in clamp. His lips quivering at the sound of my name. Striving to pronounce he knows he would never be able to say...again. He looked around searching for my hand, bewildered at the sight of my hand. With despair he coughed blood. The scarlet liquid, so beautiful as it came out of his mouth. Like a liquid rose drained from it's thorn. The double-edged dagger forced at his backside, was the link from me to him. But I returned him the favour.Don't get me wrong I loved him and I know he loved me. I was his everything. But I couldn't stand her undressing my man with her pale-skin hands. She knew he was mine. She mangled with his mind and led him to believe some psycho but I wasn't. I drowned myself in his love knowing that he'd revive me. But no, instead he shot me with the arrow of betrayal. But I didn't get mad, I got even.Once I got even, his lips curved into a smile, his eyelids fell and he whispered the words I've been waiting my life to hear, I love you.Like a rose withering away, my heart went from bloody red to deathly black, I knew then I woke up into the sea of bittersweet fairytales.

Needed Emotions

It's been a long time since I felt this way about anybody
It is so refreshing to find you in my path
You may not care, and at this point I don't need you to be
I find attractive, I find you really good-looking
I love your entire feature, from the twinkle of your eyes
The characteristics of your jaw line
The definition of your stature, that keeps me locked on you
Hearing you speak is a softly played tune on the radio
A fresh cup of lemonade on a summer day
When it's all hot and sticky being next to you, gives me hope
that maybe it's not over for me yet

Afraid of Rejection

It's so nerve wracking to start something new. People have these expections of you, of what you should and how it needs to be done. I always want to push the envelope. I don't like the rush of it, but at the same time I like being able to do something new and to do it well. I love the feeling that I get when I know that I've done it well. I'm so afraid of putting myself out there. But at the same time I feel that I need to put myself out there. I don't know. I know that I'm doing right, but I want that affirmation that it I am doing it right. Even though deep down inside I know that I am doing it right. Maybe that's selfish.

Your name is my password

There is a reason why Your name is my password. There are places I need to get to and I need a password. It's interesting to see how far I go without it, to only realize that I haven't gotten too far. I'm turning 20, still ain't got a man. I'm drowning in debt, debt that I can't afford to pay, school is becoming more than I can handle, the things I want to do are becoming dreams. Your Word is becoming less of a reality to me and more of a fantasy. It hurts and breaks my heart to even admit. The sad truth is tomorrow I'll go back into the real world, and it has its fist ready to go. Its fingers ready to molest and harrass me. Its all groovy ain't it? I need a Word from you. There's a reason Your name is password in life, it's so that I don't have to deal with this issue. I've been so secure, because you kept me secure. How much more independent do I need to be. I'm supposed to help, but I'm taking control. My views overlooked majority of the time, until I create a sound heard around the world. If I have creative control, then give the control, if I need to be in control all the time then give me control all of the time. But I'm no doll. YOu're supposed to guide me, You're my portion, my friend at all times, You're my Father. IF Your Word speaks true, the Word that made itself flesh to die for me, then either 1) my prayers aren't heard, 2) my prayers are heard and it's taking a while for the answer to get to me, or 3) You're just not real. But I know that #3 is a plain lie so that is immediately eliminated. Lord, I don't want to be in debt. I'm not even 20 yet, and I got so many things coming at me, so many things that I'm hindered to do, and I don't even have any responsibilities. This is the time that I'm supposed to be young and free right? So here's the deal, I'm joining the sorority, I'm taking the driving lessons, I'm taking that TaeKwonDo class, I'm going to stay in school, I will buy my books and still do what I got to do with church. How I will find the time? I don't know. But the best part is that I don't have to worry about that. You said you would provide my needs. You haven't failed me yet, so I put my trust in You. You have to help me with my grades, You HAVE to help me with finding time, You HAVE to help me get my driver's license, YOU HAVE to help me. Why? Because you promised me YOU would. That's why YOUR NAME, JESUS, is my password.