Confessions...

I don't know if I have ever been totally honest with all those around me. If I was I don't think I would regret. I have a confession to make... I didn't think turning would be so life-changing. I thought it was just a number that one turns. The only people who would make a big deal out of it would be the government, but it turns out that I am wrong yet again, in fact it has nothing to do with you anymore. It's all about what Mama says now. If the teenage years were the worst then I guess being 18 is just hell... anyways. Sometimes I dream of falling asleep and no one would wake me, and it would be just be by myself. You know why I love sleeping so much? Because it's the only thing you can do in this world that doesn't require a pill, it's good for you, and it's legal. But in all seriousness, I can go anywhere in my sleep and can't anybody say anything about it. The emotions are real and quite interesting. But one thing it always provides is total peace. The world is at ease and it's the high feeling I can't get enough of. Of course crying never solves anything, neither has laughing to cover up the crying. So what's left for me to do...nothing but what I've always. If I survive this year I should get Best Actress Award. I cry myself to sleep every night, yet every morning I can fake a smile throughout the day. I'm as dumb as donkey, yet I can all the great political that I have the brain of Einstein. Unbelievable huh? My world is out of balance, but my world is so perfect to the untrained eye. How do I do it? I don't even know, I blame God. Who else could let me do all the things I do without getting tired. It's not that I don't feel it, it's just that I'm not allowed to be tired, for there are others more tired with no goals other than to obtain the vanities of this world. Let's not forget education has value, but let's compare education, to sex shall we? Sex life in a marriage is quite important compared to just lame education! And it's not like you wanna be a doctor or anything, just a biochemists improving the works of a doctor. Yeah... but they don't know that. Besides a husband is the ultimate way to be happy. That's why I've been boy-crazy all these. Because of my fear of being alone. Well, I don't care anymore, the guys don't want to look at me, and I don't need them to make me happy. I'm alone anyways so being alone for the rest of my life will not kill me. It's sickening t0 hear the gossipping the negative influence going on in my head, from the one I am supposed to trust. Parents do me one favor, if your kids talk to you about personal stuff, don't use against them. Talking doesn't embarrassment 2 days later. Also stop thinking your kids are just lusting after boys, if they are most likely you influenced her. Please, please remember 18 is just a number, nothing else. They aren't waiting to leave the house, and if they are you've done something. At 18, they are most likely trying to impress, not dismiss you. Parents, please listen when your kids talk to you, they don't need to be judged, and a crush comes around at 20 times a year, so keep up with the latest crushes please!!! Good night.

An Unknown Beginning

It 's kind of awkward, writing this knowing what awaits me... but after today I think I understand the meaning of "falling out of love". It's weird, because you don't know when it happens, in fact you don't even expect it. It just happens, you don't like, or love whatever the status of the relationship may be (in my case it was like very much), but you get the point. I crushed on this guy for almost 2 years and I couldn't understand why I couldn't or wouldn't make up my mind on whether I liked him or not. When I finally realized I like, I realized I liked him a lot. In fact, too much. It was weird because I never felt that way about anybody. In fact, I liked him so much that some nights I would cry myself to sleep begging God, to make him like me too. Then again, at the time I couldn't figure out if he liked me back, or if I was hallucinating, either way it doesn't matter anymore. I reminisce on these events, when my mom would practically bark at me for either liking him or because I made myself too vulnerable to him. Maybe she was right, it sure saved the pleasure of embarrassing myself, but I never knew if he liked me back, or if he was just being himself. Being himself meaning ignoring me, and the only time we'd have a conversation was to insult one another. It was a pretty disfunctional relationship if you'd ask, but I was determined to overthink the entire relationship, to the point we don't even talk anymore. I don't know what happened there, somewhere along the way we stayed away from one another. He started talking, (it almost looked like flirting) to this other girl, and they became friends...it's okay now. But at first I was so mad, it was heartbreaking, but now she's my friend, and if they do hook up I wish them the best. Now, I think I'm beginning to realize that I don't like him anymore, I just wish we could hang out. He is so boring with me, but with them other girls he is so charming, so funny, and so witty. I don't know if I'm the problem, but whatever it is...whatever I think we are both too scared to approach it. We both ignore one another like we don't exist, but I know that in my heart I do notice, and I wait for him to make a move, but he never does. Instead he makes a move on someone else. I kind of envy those girls at times. I wish...I wish he would talk to me...maybe even flirt with me...I wish we could have a conservation without an insult. Sometimes I would compliment him and he would act as if it meant nothing. As if he was brushing off dirt. But if that girl would say it, it meant the world to him. I could never understand that, I basically assumed that either he was nervous around me, or he just hated me with a passion. If anyone has a clue just let me know. But now I realize that I'm not waiting around for his move because it's not coming...not in time for prom anyhow. However there are other men waiting to meet, see me and to be with me. Life is too short to wait around for the possible, when the inevitable occurs. If wonderboy likes me, he should have said something, because if Mario comes out of nowhere and hooks up with me then that's his lost, right?

This is not a Hate Page

I am so sick and tired of homosexual acting like they own the world. If you want respect then respect me. Most of them act like they deserve to be treated like kings and queens of the universe. Well, excuse me it's not like you are not disrespecting my religion. I understand that religion has nothing to do many things, but what i want in life is for my kids to grow up and understand that a mommy and a daddy made them, naturally. I don't want the government brainwashing my kids on marijuana, and marriage. Marriage is sacred and if it wasn't for the church no one in this world would be married. so there is no need for anyone to even try and prove me wrong. And even science proves that there is no way in this entire world that two ppl of the same gender can create and raise a kid, oh yes my friends it has been proven. What are you going to tell the rest of the world when the Canadians all end up having holes in their from smoking weed? At least George Bush can stand up, and make a decision based on the commonwealth of his country, while Canada is busy running away from children without a clue. It's so sad how Canada claims to be so wonderful, and not racist, when their history contains nothing regarding African-Canadians. However they were the ones who abolished slavery first right? Unbelievable, how Canada will back down from a war, but will not back when it comes to killing innocent children with drugs. If the Canadian government really wanted to create peace... then defending its country sounds better than creating its extinction, doesn't it? Why is it that the visible minorities are still feeling rejected, and the homosexuals are given more importance? What is it about being gay in a country like Canada, that is is so much more important than being a refuge from a country like Congo? Even the visible minorities are rejected, and it's so common that everyone just shrugs it off, like it's no big deal.

2 Many Faces for a Girl Like Me

Lovely and pretty is that girl you see
The only one that you dream to be
Intelligent and yet neglected is in
The skin too dark for body within
Anybody can be crazy that boy next door
You know the one eating and screaming for more
If I'm trying something new doesn't mean I'm changing
My life is need of some rearranging

Chorus
Too many faces for a girl like me
Different place calls for different face
Been broken and hurt, and so do not see
The real actress, is just another phase

Wannabe me, but still confused
Learning how to be, yet still living
Attract the false hope, for one so used
Understanding the hope comes with thanksgiving
Why the lies when the truth comes out
Cause then there's a reason why I shout
365 days, 7 days a week
I'm just too loud, to be so meek

Good girls finish last

It never made sense to me when I saw somebody get rewarded for doing something that is basically common sense. If your at church and you know you're supposed to worship, then why not just do it? Why is it so difficult to do the right thing without being ignored? Us good girls, do everything that we're supposed to and that's okay because it's expected. But as soon as an ex-con comes in and does something good, not even something extraordinary, just something that I would do just as a daily routine, they receive the nobel peace prize. It's not fair to us good girls who have been doing for forever to constantly be ignored. In fact, it makes us want to join the wild side, at least we'll be recognized. I don't understand why it's so important for us to set the example when no one is looking. In fact, the only they remember the good in us is when it's gone. I don't promote rebellion, but for the love of God can we please pay attention, and encourage those who have been doing good all their life. They, themselves love to be noticed and appreciated just like everyone else. Instead of babying and pampering all of those who get standing ovation just being good that one time. Most of the time, they end up going back to their old ways anyways. I'm all for encouraging our peers but at the same time let's remember those who were here before the conversion of the hooligans.

Good girls finish last