Call it PMS, or whatever u want...

Lately I've noticed that many of us are living in a world that teaches us to be different, but yet shows us that in order to be different we must conform and be just like the others. Then again that could be just like my world. It's not like I want to be like the others but the others seem to influence more than I can influence them. It's true that I don't want to influence them because I don't sound too good. My advices are too pushy and controversial. Well I am a christian. If you in the wrong I'm going to tell you. It's ridiculous how people can't seem to talk, I am amazed. I got a feeling even if a life and death situation was to present itself before us, we would not talk just because the silence is so much more supported than the talking. I am obviously not a verbal person, everything that I say is not taken like it should be. I act yet my actions are louder than words, at times I wish they weren't. I can't seem to talk to anybody, lately I've been argumentative. I can't seem to agree so I keep everything to myself, I can't talk to my mother. But partially that's her fault. When I do talk to her she uses everything against me. It's not like I don't trust her. I trust that she will be my mother and that's about it, but other than that...So I had a friend that I use to confide in but lately I realized that there are things that I need to figure out on my own. I don't need those closest to me to know my every worries. It doesn't look good on me. Half the time I don't understand my mother, half of my bad habits I picked up from her. She's not a bad mother, but she's not very encouraging. My sister tells me that she doesn't want to let me go, but that's not the vibe that I'm getting. Lately her words are more focused on getting married, it's kind of scary. I don't like the life that I am living and that is why I love to go away on trips with my church. I know it sounds selfish, but it's true I love to go away just to get away from her. Because when I am away I miss her more, and the relationship gets better. That's what I think anyways...

He likes her

It's so hard someone to talk to without feeling judged. In fact it's so hard to find someone to talk to period. Everyone is so busy working that just talking becomes a moment of silence. We become hypocrites without wanting to. I'm a just be real for a while. I'm tired of speaking like the third person as if my life is perfect or hellish(if that's a word). Look I know this girl, alright and she likes this guy, well I hope she does. This is one of the sweetest girls I know, and I'm not just saying. She's so easy to talk to, but the girl does know how to gossip. Anyways, she has this ability to make everyone around her feel so good. She is always, unless she has her "technical difficulties". But either way, she is a charming young woman with so much to offer. She use to like this one guy, but he never liked her. She was too weird around even after they broke up. I think she knew he never liked her but she didn't want to admit it to herelf. However the guy's brother started liking her after they broke up. She shows interest in him, and I pray she is not misleading him, because he really likes her; the brother that is. Well I used to like that guy, the brother. I backed off when I realized that he ignored me and payed way too much attention to her. Like I wrote before he really likes, even if he denies it. Well the other day, a flood of raging jealousy entered the pits of my guts, when I saw them together. Maybe I do like him still...but it hurts enough knowing that he doesn't like me. We don't even talk as friends. It's partly my fault. But he really likes her, and I can't blame him. He really does like her. I hope he doesn't end up feeling hurt by her. There are rumors going around that she is just using him to get back with the ex. She often gives reasons for people to think that way. But I pray that, that is not the case. He really likes her, and she knows it. He's a big boy, he'll be fine. So while my heart is breaking, and as I now realize the facts from fiction, I know I'll be ok. I'm a big girl. They say true love is when you want nothing but happiness for your loved one. I'm not saying that I love him, but I know right from wrong. Instead of sneaking around looking for trouble, I pray that he finds happiness. Just because he really likes her.